Rape culture, Uncategorized

A no is a no, it’s not a yes or a maybe

It saddens me that in most cultures women have to dress conservatively or “tone down” the way they dress based on the perception of man’s inability to control himself sexually. We are constantly trying to cover women up as if that’s the reason women get raped. We are teaching girls to be self conscious of their bodies, making it difficult for them to love themselves because it has sometimes been engraved in them that the show of too much skin, like a slight glimpse of a shoulder or a thigh can in turn arouse a man. Why aren’t we teaching men self control? Why is it that some men have self control while others don’t? We need to praise the men that do have self control and condemn those that don’t instead of blaming the victim.
It’s 2016 and some people still believe that rape is the victim’s fault. It’s 2016 and there are still several rape apologists! When will it ALWAYS be the attacker’s fault?

People say she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. People say that she was dressed inappropriately. People say she knew what she was getting herself into. So do you think someone would put themselves in such a situation deliberately?
We have so many excuses. Why can’t we just believe that there are some sick people in this world? It’s easier for most people to shift the blame onto an innocent victim than to convict the criminal. Why? 
For all the rape apologists, what is your excuse when a woman gets raped by a family member or a teacher, a boyfriend or a stranger? Was the woman in the wrong place at the wrong time? Had she no right to be within her own house or society?
Grandmothers dressed in chitenges (Zambias) and babies in diapers get raped too. When did these articles of clothing become inappropriate? Did these women know what they were getting themselves into? Rape is about power and control not sex. 
Instead of only policing girls and telling them what to do to avoid being raped, we should also tell rapists not to rape. The focus should not only be on one gender but should be on both.
Comments and thoughts like these are what make it difficult for people to speak out. Who wants to speak up when they could possibly be told it’s their fault and get victimized. Who wants to speak out if they are going to be accused of lying? For all the rape apologists, only 2% of rape victims lie. 
Today people tend not to think about the words they use. I’ve heard so many people say “the test raped me” and “you raped my phone”. The English language is full of so many words that could be used to describe how you feel after a difficult test or how you feel when someone looks through your phone. Use those words. 
It’s funny how we use the word so loosely, almost in a mocking way. We don’t realize how the word impacts someone else’s daily life. Some people might not know the impact the word has on others; some people just don’t care. 
It’s 2016 and I’m shocked that we are still having this discussion. I hope that things change in the near future.
Parents need to teach their sons that no is no, even if it’s a silent no. It’s not yes and it’s not maybe.
Rape culture demeans everyone, and everyone should speak out against rape culture.


Is the word wife synonymous with slave? Is it really a man’s world?

I live in a country where the majority of the women are still viewed and treated as being the lesser being. Inferior! Are we as people of a modern world not supposed to be moving away from these oppressive tendencies? Is gender equality a myth? Will I ever see equality during my lifetime? It saddens me that some women are still expected to serve their partners. In most households wives are expected to cater for their husbands – cook, clean and submit even when they are primary bread winners. Why can’t we do that for each other? Is marriage not supposed to be an equal partnership? This kind of outdated thinking is what discourages many young women like myself from considering marriage as we fear that we might be expected to be submissive wives. Even today in churches when the vows are being said the woman always has to say words along the lines of “I will promise to submit to you my husband.” Submission is fine if it’s a two way thing. However, that’s hardly ever the case. It amuses me that some men and some women will go out of their way to choose Bible verses that suit their personal beliefs and practice selective Christianity. If we really want to use the Bible to defend our points then men should love their wives as much as Christ loved the church because as far as I’m concerned that amount of love is unfathomable. With such an over flowing pool of love, men would not treat their wives like servants. It breaks my heart to see women that work against the emancipation of women instead of for it. I can’t wait for the day when we as women can stand united and say no to this mistreatment. Most women have had it engraved in their minds from childhood that they have to be subservient to a man. They learn from what they see and experience growing up and what they are told is their role in life. Most are raised to believe that if they are unable to cook, clean and do “feminine” chores then they have nothing to bring to the table and no man shall want them. What happened to offering yourself? Does my lack of skill in the kitchen make me any less of a person? Does it take away my intelligence? Does it take away my personality? Does it take away my femininity? Does it make me less of a woman? The answer to all these questions is no!
I struggle to understand why as women, with the same or greater abilities than men should not be given the same opportunities as men but instead in most cases be restricted in the roles that are predetermined by society. I’d look on as our very hard working house keeper, who worked all day, would be expected to still go home to cook and clean after her children and her husband who would have been home the whole day as he was unemployed. What’s sad is I could see that she was grooming her daughter for the same roles instead of grooming her sons as well.
The problem starts from home! It’s what we teach our daughters; it’s what our sons observe from home. It is what the schools teach our daughters. Girls are forced to do “feminine” subjects and courses like Food and Nutrition, Fashion and Fabrics, Child development and Art. There are girls that might want to do practical courses that are traditionally considered “masculine” and vice versa! It’s like they are preparing the perfect stay at home wife. They want us to be able to cook for our husbands, mend his clothes, nurse our children and then maybe in our free time we can draw a picture or two. It should be a choice. If a woman happens to like cleaning and cooking so be it but don’t make it mandatory. We should be allowed to be who we want to be – home makers, astronauts, engineers, farmers, actuaries, anything we are able to achieve, the possibilities are infinite.
Don’t limit your daughters, sister, wives or other women in your life. You’ll be amazed of what we are capable of given the chance. Allow them the freedom to choose. If you’re going to teach your daughter to cook, teach your son as well. I can’t imagine being a mother to a child that’s being belittled by man. Think of your child’s happiness. Make a change. Lastly ask yourself if the word wife is synonymous with slave.