Rape culture, Uncategorized

A no is a no, it’s not a yes or a maybe

It saddens me that in most cultures women have to dress conservatively or “tone down” the way they dress based on the perception of man’s inability to control himself sexually. We are constantly trying to cover women up as if that’s the reason women get raped. We are teaching girls to be self conscious of their bodies, making it difficult for them to love themselves because it has sometimes been engraved in them that the show of too much skin, like a slight glimpse of a shoulder or a thigh can in turn arouse a man. Why aren’t we teaching men self control? Why is it that some men have self control while others don’t? We need to praise the men that do have self control and condemn those that don’t instead of blaming the victim.
It’s 2016 and some people still believe that rape is the victim’s fault. It’s 2016 and there are still several rape apologists! When will it ALWAYS be the attacker’s fault?

People say she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. People say that she was dressed inappropriately. People say she knew what she was getting herself into. So do you think someone would put themselves in such a situation deliberately?
We have so many excuses. Why can’t we just believe that there are some sick people in this world? It’s easier for most people to shift the blame onto an innocent victim than to convict the criminal. Why? 
For all the rape apologists, what is your excuse when a woman gets raped by a family member or a teacher, a boyfriend or a stranger? Was the woman in the wrong place at the wrong time? Had she no right to be within her own house or society?
Grandmothers dressed in chitenges (Zambias) and babies in diapers get raped too. When did these articles of clothing become inappropriate? Did these women know what they were getting themselves into? Rape is about power and control not sex. 
Instead of only policing girls and telling them what to do to avoid being raped, we should also tell rapists not to rape. The focus should not only be on one gender but should be on both.
Comments and thoughts like these are what make it difficult for people to speak out. Who wants to speak up when they could possibly be told it’s their fault and get victimized. Who wants to speak out if they are going to be accused of lying? For all the rape apologists, only 2% of rape victims lie. 
Today people tend not to think about the words they use. I’ve heard so many people say “the test raped me” and “you raped my phone”. The English language is full of so many words that could be used to describe how you feel after a difficult test or how you feel when someone looks through your phone. Use those words. 
It’s funny how we use the word so loosely, almost in a mocking way. We don’t realize how the word impacts someone else’s daily life. Some people might not know the impact the word has on others; some people just don’t care. 
It’s 2016 and I’m shocked that we are still having this discussion. I hope that things change in the near future.
Parents need to teach their sons that no is no, even if it’s a silent no. It’s not yes and it’s not maybe.
Rape culture demeans everyone, and everyone should speak out against rape culture.